No Contest, Baby!

...is what it felt like having a nose around LJ after so long.  Nice, ain't it?

Sitrep...

Split up from her ladyship and moved back to Winchester (MUCH better), work working, sharing a flat with a friend and a rodent who shouldn't even be there (the rodent not my friend, who are two separate entities), heart still beating, lungs still doing whatever it is lungs do.

A brief conversation between me (M) and her (H).

M   When are you going to New York?
H   17th September, long weekend
M   So you could catsit on the wekend of the 6th?
H   Yes, why?
M   I'm considering going to Walsall to see some mates
H   Who the hell do you know in Warsaw?
M   Huh?
H   Why do you want to go to Warsaw on the piss with a bunch of Polish people?
M   HUH?
The penny drops......
H   Oh, you mean Walsall in the Midlands, not Warsaw in Poland....
M Yeah.  Probably a better place to meet loads of Polish people anyway.

 So, who watched SirAlan's final bulldog -chewing -a -wasp -face fest of the year.
Now this programme, although entertaining is totally false, and I'll tell you why.
Shot 1
The phone rings in the house at 6am and one of them comes downstairs in their nightclothes to answer it.
SirAlan's PA says "A car will be with you in half an hour".
Shot 2
Ties get taken from hangers, sleeves get irons run over them, etc etc.
Shot 3
A bevy of immaculately dressed, made up, coiffured  biz types walk calmly to the  awaiting vehicle.

Really?   30 minutes to get a house-full  of  preening egotists through one bathroom, showered, breakfasted and ready?
I think not.

Whilst noodling around "another place" I happened across this little Youtube video of a Canadian TV broadcast of the PEANUT STOMPERS.

This is your driver. Due to lack of investment, we will only be opening the front two doors of the forward coach. if you need to move forward through this crowded train, please find the guard, who is the fat ugly bloke sat on his arse near the middle of the train.  Thank you.

Wishing a very happy birthday to the lovely fifitrix.

I'm trying to write a report on the costs of using BT MeetMe. However the BT conferencing website is somewhat less than transparent when it comes to pricing.

Do any of you guys out there use BT MeetMe, is that as audio con alone or with the Webex and what, in real terms does it cost?

The only other way is to call BT sales to ask them a simple question and not buy anything- that way madness lies!

What fresh madness is this?
These lunatic moving devices are being imported into the UK and those that haven't already been seized are going for about £150.
These are basically a pair of rollerblades with a 25CC petrol engine strapped to the back and driving one (only one, mind you) of the skates.

What brought my attention to this is the quote "If the Gasoline Skating Shoes were legal they would have been classed as a vehicle and would have required a driving license and insurance"

This leads to three thoughts-
1) If you could ride these on a motorbike license, would it only have to be a provisional as they are 'only' 25cc?
2)I'd love this phone call: "Hello, yes can you quote me happy? OK, 25CC, bright red, 2 years no maims bonus"
3) At least I know that my wonderful darling Jill does some work at the DfT, as she had about a day to write a policy about these things and the oft press touted quote above is her own words!

Now these are made in China- Check out here for the promotional video with Health and Safety instructions.
My personal favourites are-

5- Forbid rid on rough road
6- Oldster, child gingerly to use

Of course, there's nothing to stop you bombing about on private land... Now, where's the nearest go-kart track looking for a new customer base???

Firstly I received an email from a client containing the following line-

 "I therefore cannot see any further benefits at this time if the whole of the country is finally a part of the Matrix."

Which was kind of confusing.  We were talking about the Land registry....Estate Agent Smith, perhaps.

Then I had to try and sit with a straight face as we intervieved two gentlemen who go by the names of Bill Hicks and Roger Butts.

Wishing a very happy birthday to Tobes.
Chin Chin old boy!

The USB at the back of my laptop has come loose and is rattling around near the slot, yet doesn't seem to be connected to anything.
This is a pain bacause
1) I cannot use the USB for my mouse and am left with the keyboard 'nipple'
2) I'm worried that it may touch something in the gubbins and cause expensive damage.
3) I can't play Enigma (See point 1)

Any quick fixes that don't involve getting out a screwdriver and voiding warranty?

How are we all today?

I intend to write an article about DigitalMeeting in Wikipedia, and a just putting a shout out for anyone to give me tips and advice, especially about how to get it passed as not 'original thought'.
I know that I have to create an account etc, and I have the right writing style in my repertoire, it's just the filtering stage that concerns me slightly.
All advice gratefully received!

I really do think that RTD and the BBC missed a trick in 'The Sound of Drums'.
Wouldn't it have been great to see Jeremy Paxman trying to grill Harold Saxon on Newsnight, only for Harry to start tapping on the table...diggudy dum, diggudy dum... and leave Jezza as a totally gibbering wreck.

Saying that, Paxo's hair has recently turned a shocking shade of white...

This turned out quite well as (while Jill was dressing her sister and carrying out various nefarious bridesmade wrangling duties) after arriving I had to take a shower. I went back into the bedroom to finish towelling off. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but a secondary backup shower coming out through the electrical light fitting is not, I feel, the norm for a hotel room. A quick room swap ensued and all our stuff was moved into the new one- the day could go ahead.

The moral of the story is; when the other half ball-aches you for no apparent reason, this must be a reaction to a premonition of impending disaster that only she can feel and you must comply with said ball-ache as her man is needed to sort it out for her.

And if I ever again write such patronising drivel as the above sentence, feel free to shoot me in the genitals with a blunderbus.

Picture's nice though, don'tcha think?

Well, that's what I had passed on to me that I was called by an old friend, however it did do the job and galvanise me into action, calling said old friend and having a jolly old chat.
It also made me realise that I haven't done any posts for a while (The Guv'nor's actually making me use the computer for proper werk this week!)so here goes...

Nothing to report.

As has just been confirmed by Alok Jha, science correspondent for the Guardian, Rankin's big scientific Maguffin in "The Witches of Chiswick" may well soon become science fact.
Robert's idea postulated on "What would have happened if Charles Babbage and Nikola Tesla had worked together?" This led to the Victorian Empire being powered by a network of massive Tesla coils passing wireless electricity to power flying cars and all kinds of bonkers stuff.
IRL, researchers were able to light a 60 watt bulb from a power source more than 2M away. It's all to do with resonating magnetic fields, apparently. The upside is the fact that magnetic fields interact weakly with the human body.
The downside is the the proposed name- WiTricity.

That's it, all the preparation is done.

A few months ago, my CEO asked me to write an essay as an entry into the Winchester Business Excellence Awards, in the category of e-commerce. This, I feel was a bit of a test to check if I fully understood the business and the product on which it is built.  To my utter surprise, a few weeks later we got a letter back saying that we had been short listed- then the work really began!

When the judging panel gave us a site visit, all I had to do was to convince them that not only were we the company that deserved to win, all they had to do was slightly change their judging criteria for the category to make it so.

What is e-commerce? a pretty website which is basically an interactive catalogue, or a business enabler who can help others use electronic data transfer all the way through the company's processes?

Perhaps a high risk strategy, you may say, but what the hell, we'd been short listed already- cajones on the table, no guts no glory.

So, today I've been preparing our table- guests invited and my hosting of them organised, dinner suit and shirt pressed, shoes gleaming ready to go.  You never know, we may be having our photos taken for the press tomorrow night.

So please wish me luck, but win or lose, we've increased our presence and credibility already- I'm getting pretty good at this PR and marketing malarkey- just by getting us short listed.
Besides, there's nothing better than a Friday night in the Guildhall, black tie, champagne and networking opportunities galore.

You never know, we might even just win.

New job=good!

So, this is the state of play... in about half an hour's time, Richard will be leaving the office and I'll be left to run the biz for a day and to do a live DigitalMeeting demonstration to a potential big client who I found, nurtured and will hopefully soon close.

LATEST.

After bit of a slow start (what is the difficulty in understanding the instruction "Click here to test your browser"?)
that went rather well.

I can now get  a PC to remotely operate QuarkXpress running on a Mac.

Calling all graphic designers!

Got the utensils, the facilities, the time and some of the ingredients.
By next weekend, I need to be able to cook the ultimate tom kha gai soup for a visitor.

Apart from the ones linking off wikipedia, anybody know of a kick arse tom kha gai recipie?

Thai Cookery Book- ten pounds.
Impressing a very important guest- priceless.
For everything else there's livejournal.

All suggestions please!

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you (or however many you can be bothered filling in!)
I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my f-list, so let me know with whom I'm friends!
1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?