The creaking of a slowly opening coffin door... what it felt like having a nose around LJ after so long.  Nice, ain't it?


Split up from her ladyship and moved back to Winchester (MUCH better), work working, sharing a flat with a friend and a rodent who shouldn't even be there (the rodent not my friend, who are two separate entities), heart still beating, lungs still doing whatever it is lungs do.

  • Current Mood
    impressed impressed

Communication problems.

A brief conversation between me (M) and her (H).

M   When are you going to New York?
H   17th September, long weekend
M   So you could catsit on the wekend of the 6th?
H   Yes, why?
M   I'm considering going to Walsall to see some mates
H   Who the hell do you know in Warsaw?
M   Huh?
H   Why do you want to go to Warsaw on the piss with a bunch of Polish people?
M   HUH?
The penny drops......
H   Oh, you mean Walsall in the Midlands, not Warsaw in Poland....
M Yeah.  Probably a better place to meet loads of Polish people anyway.

The Apprentice

 So, who watched SirAlan's final bulldog -chewing -a -wasp -face fest of the year.
Now this programme, although entertaining is totally false, and I'll tell you why.
Shot 1
The phone rings in the house at 6am and one of them comes downstairs in their nightclothes to answer it.
SirAlan's PA says "A car will be with you in half an hour".
Shot 2
Ties get taken from hangers, sleeves get irons run over them, etc etc.
Shot 3
A bevy of immaculately dressed, made up, coiffured  biz types walk calmly to the  awaiting vehicle.

Really?   30 minutes to get a house-full  of  preening egotists through one bathroom, showered, breakfasted and ready?
I think not.
  • Current Music
    Hannah singing Scooby Doo Theme

This Morning's train announcement.

This is your driver. Due to lack of investment, we will only be opening the front two doors of the forward coach. if you need to move forward through this crowded train, please find the guard, who is the fat ugly bloke sat on his arse near the middle of the train.  Thank you.

Dear Lazyweb

I'm trying to write a report on the costs of using BT MeetMe. However the BT conferencing website is somewhat less than transparent when it comes to pricing.

Do any of you guys out there use BT MeetMe, is that as audio con alone or with the Webex and what, in real terms does it cost?

The only other way is to call BT sales to ask them a simple question and not buy anything- that way madness lies!
Medical Emergency

Gasoline Skating Shoes.

What fresh madness is this?
These lunatic moving devices are being imported into the UK and those that haven't already been seized are going for about £150.
These are basically a pair of rollerblades with a 25CC petrol engine strapped to the back and driving one (only one, mind you) of the skates.

What brought my attention to this is the quote "If the Gasoline Skating Shoes were legal they would have been classed as a vehicle and would have required a driving license and insurance"

This leads to three thoughts-
1) If you could ride these on a motorbike license, would it only have to be a provisional as they are 'only' 25cc?
2)I'd love this phone call: "Hello, yes can you quote me happy? OK, 25CC, bright red, 2 years no maims bonus"
3) At least I know that my wonderful darling Jill does some work at the DfT, as she had about a day to write a policy about these things and the oft press touted quote above is her own words!

Now these are made in China- Check out here for the promotional video with Health and Safety instructions.
My personal favourites are-

5- Forbid rid on rough road
6- Oldster, child gingerly to use

Of course, there's nothing to stop you bombing about on private land... Now, where's the nearest go-kart track looking for a new customer base???
wry smile

Weird day at werk.

Firstly I received an email from a client containing the following line-

 "I therefore cannot see any further benefits at this time if the whole of the country is finally a part of the Matrix."

Which was kind of confusing.  We were talking about the Land registry....Estate Agent Smith, perhaps.

Then I had to try and sit with a straight face as we intervieved two gentlemen who go by the names of Bill Hicks and Roger Butts.